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Remember when you and your partner first hooked up? I bet it was awesome – you wanted to find out everything about them, spend as much time as possible with them, couldn’t keep your hands of them, and were probably full of ideas of great things to do together. But if you’ve been together a while, it’s a good bet things ain’t like that any more.
So what happened to kill the romance? How did indifference take over from romance when you now have the chance to spend time together?
Meet the chief suspects:
Suspect A – Familiarity
Once we know so much about our partners, their likes/dislikes, feelings on topics, etc it’s easy to just stop asking questions. So you only talk about stuff that’s happening in that moment (tv show, movie, the restaurant you’re sitting in, the weather). And if that’snot interesting, you just don’t talk. Great. And you stop with the small gestures you used to do at the beginning too – guys maybe stop with the chivalry, girls maybe become less caring. It’s the whole taking-for-granted thing. You hear about it so much because it happens to ALL couples at some point.
Suspect B – Pesky Kids
It’s a true test of a relationship when kids come along. Continuing to find time to relate to your partner and be romantic, while you are both suffering from sleep-deprivation and smell of pee is a tough task. Once the kids are in bed you are both so tired you really can’t be assed talking, and if you DO talk it’s probably about the kids. You start seeing one another as part of the kid-bringing-up team rather than your partner. I don’t really think there’s a way to avoid these problems, though I’m sure there are books that claim you can achieve the superhuman feat of not arguing and staying romantic after the arrival of a baby. I would go as far as to recommend that especially in the first year with your kid, make a pact with your partner to just weather the storm for that year, don’t take any arguments to heart, both try to do your best, and then get away for a weekend together when you feel ready.
Suspect C – Bellies
Ah the joy of letting yourself go. You’ve snared a partner, made them fall in love with you, now it’s time to stop putting so much effort into your appearance and hygiene – sweeeet. Ladies, quit all that plucking, those spin classes and buying that sexy underwear. Guys, ladies love stubble rash so don’t sweat shaving so often, and take advantage of the bulk pricing on beer, cos it’s time to up your consumption if you really want to cultivate that belly. Fast forward a few years with this mindset and you’ll both be on the good old minimal-talking-even-less-sex-lots-of-separate-activities track. Nice.
Suspect D – Resentment
“Why does she always do that? Well, I’m not going to say anything about how it upsets me, but I am gonna stop doing that other thing, just to even things up. Then if she says anything, I am gonna explode at her out of nowhere cos of all this pent up resentment. And I’ll just start being indifferent about any conversation she starts cos I’m mad about this thing that I’m not gonna talk to her about. That is how you keep the romance alive buddy, oh yes. Learn from me.” Nip the resentment in the bud as soon as t enters your head. Talk it through without being harsh.
Suspect E – Technology
Just put the freakin’ iphones down stop using adultfrienedfinder app login and chat to each other. Nobody cares about your new app, or www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com