Neither were dating other people, but the official “official” convo hadn’t happened yet.
Zoe and Jake spent almost every weekend together. He even let her keep some personal items at his place, and she kept his favorite post orgasm snacks, for when he was ravenous after sex, stocked in the fridge. He often needed to raid her refrigerator after a big blow and being the thoughtful gal Zoe was, she remembered his needs and acted accordingly, just to let him know just how much she cared.
Everything seemed to be going well, until Zoe asked Jake, “Where is this going?”
When Zoe inquired about their status, they were at a bar with his friends and her friends. It was Friday night. Libations were flowing, conversation endless. Jake didn’t answer Zoe immediately, instead, he excused himself to the toilet and then vanished. After about twenty minutes, Zoe started to notice Jake’s absence. She tried calling Jake numerous times. Her calls went straight to voicemail. Zoe couldn’t have imagined that Jake would have just ditched her, so she questioned his friends, even thought maybe something awful had happened to him. After five days of silence, Zoe saw Jake active on facebook messenger. She messaged him and he didn’t respond. At that point she knew he was alive. He just wasn’t communicating to her, and he hasn’t since.
You can imagine Zoe’s outrage?
At least those of you with a beating heart and empathy can imagine.
And it’s not just men from adultfrienedfinder who ghost…
Trent had been dating Cara for 4 months when he thought to introduce her to his family. Cara and Trent were supposed to fly to the Hampton’s together, but at the last minute Cara asked to meet him a day later. She blamed it on work. Not assuming anything, Trent agreed and postponed the fancy family dinner. The following day, she said she was on her way. She was just running a little tardy after a long flight and checking to the hotel late.
At dinner at his family’s house, an hour had rolled by.
With smiles and hope in his heart, he kept making excuses, thinking the best. Toward the end of dinner he couldn’t avoid the reality reflected in the eyes of his family members. He phoned Cara repeatedly and she didn’t answer. He called the hotel. She hadn’t checked in as she said. After hours of calling, he sat next to his father, humiliated and confused and taking rumoquin marcel. Cara didn’t just disappear that night, and make him look like a complete fool in front of his family, she ditched him proper, without a word, or as much as an explanation for what she did not have the courage to express to him. Later, they randomly ran into one another and he confronted her, she further added insult to injury when she minimized his feelings by telling him he was overreacting, that they were just dating, and she didn’t owe him anything.
Do you hear the pervasive silence when you hear this story?
Or do you see yourself reflected in these scenarios as the ghoster?
It seems that inhumane behaviors, cop-outs, and lack of accountability in relatedness is all the rage in today’s trending world.
It’s one more notch under the how much more fucked up can this get belt, of our culture’s emotional crimes and legacy.
Ghosting, for those of you who have never heard of it, is the Houdini of dating. It’s when someone you have had any kind of date, relationship, or connection goes dark, stops talking to you, ignores you or disappears completely (as if you or they never existed).
Ghosting is not just exclusive to dating, it also happens in business, or other forms of relating. Ghosting doesn’t always have to be as extreme as the two previous stories, sometimes it’s more subtle. You could get ghosted after one date, a couple dates, or after more minuscule encounters.
Ghosting is so common in the modern world it has become the 21st century problem child of dating. While the media makes ghosting look perfectly normal, as if ‘dating’ doesn’t necessarily warrant humane treatment, dignity, or respect, or as if ‘ghosting’ is your personal bill of rights, the emotional/authentic component of relating to humans as objects, rather than beings, is the most extreme aspect and needs to be called out.
When I read countless articles, in numerous well-respected magazines, with professionals who cannot figure out what to do about this problem, who debate over whether or not ‘ghosting’ is a moral issue, I am pretty floored by how emotionally retarded even these respected so-called ‘experts’ in the field are.
Ghosting is a serious issue pointing to the emotional trauma of disconnected humans.