Most people think that sharing the same religious background, having comparable intelligence and ambitions, being involved in the same sort of social life, and having the same financial goals and personal values are the most important things in a relationship.
These are criteria by which you choose new partners, or, if you are already in a relationship, these are the criteria by which you choose whether to get deeper into commitment, right? And aren’t these the criteria by which you can tell if you are in a happy relationship or marriage? Aren’t dissimilarities in these areas what cause people to be miserable in long-term relationships?
Consider this. You may go to the same place of worship; both be smart about the same things; have a great way with entertaining; earn, save or spend the same way; and both believe in fidelity and the value of family. And yet, at the same time, you can both be completely miserable with each other, unhappy in your relationship.
This is because what really matters in a relationship, what really makes people happy or miserable, is none of these things.
The key compatibilities that matter in a relationship are similar intimacy style, similar desire and availability to be in a relationship, and desire for a similar depth of connection.
Intimacy style is a set of internal rules of conduct by which a person functions regarding emotional and physical closeness and communication. Note that you can’t tell someone’s intimacy style for about the first three months of the relationship, unless you know just how to look.
Ability to be in a relationship is the ability, desire and know-how to sustain a relationship. It may seem natural and intuitive, even innate, but it is not. It requires emotional relationship-centered maturity, and that only comes with emotional growth.
Being available for a relationship includes the desire or an aversion to closeness, in terms of time, geography, physical contact, and emotional engagement.
Desire for the depth of connection, really intimacy, or lack of it, both physical and emotional is not a given, even if a person is dating at adultfrinendfinder to find a relationship, is in a long-term relationship, is married, or even has a family.
If you are in a relationship you value and the two of you are not compatible on these three criteria, you both need to focus on growing yourselves.
If you are compatible with a partner you are drawn and attracted to on these three key compatibility criteria, you have a good chance to be happily in love with each other for a lifetime, almost regardless of whether you are compatible in other areas.